Fickle?

"Joe, you are so fickle in many, many aspects of your life"
-Gchat conversation from yesterday

It seemed pretty innocuous at the time. I mean, the comment was made regarding how I don't like 24 anymore (for very justifiable reasons, I think). But, as I thought about it, I really am a pretty fickle person, as illustrated by things as small and insignificant as 24. It's not something that I'm proud of either. I wish I could be totally passionate about something (professionally especially), but I have a type of ADD when it comes to my interests. I will be interested in one topic for a period of 3 months and then just as quickly I will lose that interest and move on. I have started more projects/pursuits than I can possibly list here or even remember.

I think it's an inconvenient combination of intellectual laziness and curiosity. I'm fascinated by a bunch of things, but am unwilling to commit the time and energy that they deserve. I get especially disheartened when I realize that there will always be someone who's better than me at that particular issue. Someone will always know more about history than I will. Someone will always know more about economics than I will. Someone will always know more about baseball than I will. Someone will always be a better Christian than I am. Not like any of these things are that difficult to do, but still. I also have a knee-jerk negative reaction towards anything that I'm not naturally good at. If I'm not good at it right off the bat, then I'm clearly not cut out for this.

Sensing this in me a long time ago, my Dad gave me what turned into be one of my favorite books, The Boys of Summer by Roger Kahn. One of the stories in there is of George "The Shotgun" Shuba, the right fielder for the Brooklyn Dodgers in the 1950s. Shuba had a beautiful, natural swing that resulted in hard line drives. In an interview 30 years after Shuba's retirement, Kahn called Shuba "a natural." Shuba's response is a classic:

"I swung a 44-ounce bat 600 times a night, every night, and after 60 I'd make an 'X'. Ten X's and I'd have my 600 swings... 4,200 times a week. 47,200 swings every winter. Wrists. The fastball's by you. You gotta wrist it out. Forty-seven thousand two hundred times. You call that natural?"

It has been an absolute struggle to devote myself to anything with that sort of intensity. I take some solace in the fact that I have managed to avoid fickleness (is that really a word?) in some important areas of my life. I try to be a loyal friend and I'm an apologist for my friends until the bitter end. I am committed to my girlfriend and would do almost anything for her (I would not renounce my faith, sorry baby...). I love the Lord and try to be the best witness I can be.

At the same time, I change my mind about my interests, about my non-core beliefs. I do give off the impression that I'm fickle. I continue some things that I've had interest in, but give a half-assed effort towards them at best while I totally disregard others.

I'm going to keep trying to remind myself that sure, some people are going to be better at things than me, but that's not because they're naturals. Nothing comes easy, so long as it's worth having.